Yup, still single...

But not for lack of marriage proposals.  Seriously. Marriage proposals are apparently a dime a dozen in this great country of Tanzania. They come in all shapes and sizes, when you least expect it and when you do expect it.  But what does that say about my life? That I've gotten to the point where I can be in a situation where I actually expect the topic of marriage to come up, along with a proposal from whichever Joe Schmoe I happen to be talking to at the moment? I'm sure there's therapy out there for someone like me.

Take, for instance, the classic "you speak Swahili, therefore I'll ask you to marry me" proposal.  I'm sorry. Is there a connection between being able to speak Swahili and commitment? Love? If there is, I still haven't found it. But for lots of Tanzanian men, it seems to flow quite naturally.  I however, have not been blessed with the brains to figure that one out.  For example, I was minding my own business the other day, walking down the street, thinking about the errands I needed to run, etc, etc, etc.  I was in a hurry, so was chugging along at a pretty good pace, and caught up with this guy. I was hoping to just pass him and keep going... but oh, that would have been way to easy.  He saw "white girl" and sped up to match my speed. Greeted me. I was nice enough to greet back. Chit-chatted a tad - enough for him to hear me say a few words in Swahili, which of course, was enough for him to decide he wanted to marry me.  So I asked him why? Why would he want to marry a perfect stranger he'd only just met?  He looked at me as if I was out of my mind for not knowing. "Because you're white and you speak Swahili." Really? It would have been fine if he had stopped right there, but no... he had to keep talking.  "White girls know how to love better than Tanzanian girls." Right. Too much information that I didn't need to know about. I'm afraid from that point on I was just rude. ("Security! I will cut you" - anyone know where that's from? Anyone? :) )

Then there's the classic "I'm a cop so you have to do what I say" proposal.  Again... really? Are we really THAT desperate? I've had several of those - altho' the last one I was able to resist by telling him I was most definitely the wrong tribe. It would never do to have banana-eating people mix with fish-eating people. Just wouldn't happen.

Another one that is fast becoming a classic is the "I just graduated from diapers, will you marry me?" proposal.  This one is most common in the market for some reason.  Some kid comes up who looks barely old enough to be on his own and typically asks if I have a younger sister.  I always say yes, knowing exactly where the conversation is going.  "Oh, good. Is she married?" "Oh yes," says I.  "Well, are you married?"  "Oh no," says I again.  "Then I will marry you." "How old are you?" I say. "Oh, I'm 18" "Liar" I mutter under my breath. "Really?" I say out loud. "Well than, I could be your mama."  That usually shuts them up pretty quickly.

One of the things you get really good at really quickly here is creative ways of saying no. I've mentioned two already - 1. You're the wrong tribe and 2. I could be your mama.  You've got to be careful though, because they could start accusing you of being prejudiced, so I find it's helpful to have a few other tricks up your sleeve... such as "What? You don't want to marry me, I don't know how to make ugali."  Or another good one is "Well, you could try, but I doubt you could afford me. My family wants a LOT of cows." Or "no habla espanol" works every once in awhile, too.

Sometimes, however, I'm too stunned to come up with a response and I walk away with a rather dazed look on my face.  That's what happened the other night when I was walking home. My neighbor was out enjoying the cool night breeze with his wife - they were sitting together on their mat. As I walked past, I thought, "How cute and romantic and not typical is that?" I should have known better. And my neighbor asked if I was afraid of walking at night by myself. I told him no, that I enjoy it and I like to look at the stars.  Somehow, we went from talking about the stars to him proposing. "Um... I'm sorry, but isn't that your WIFE sitting next to you?" "Ya, but we're allowed up to four, you know." What do you say in response to that?  Me: "Um... wow... I'm gonna go on home now. Good night."

And home I went. ALONE. And oh so grateful for it.